In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado
Paperback, read September 2019
“By the time I got around to dating people I was a little desperate, a little horny, and a lot confused. I had figured out exactly nothing. I came of age, then, in the Dream House, wisdom practically smothering me in my sleep. Everything tasted like an almost epiphany.”
I read this book in a few sittings, but I’m not exaggerating when I say I had to put my life on hold for it. As someone who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship, it was a surreal experience to find myself so clearly in some of Machado’s vignettes, and by the time I was halfway through the book it had thoroughly ripped me open: I had to take a morning off, make an indulgent breakfast, and finish the rest of it in one go so that the journey would be over.
“In the pit of it, you fantasize about dying. … You have forgotten that leaving is an option.”
It’s almost distressing to see what a profound impact this book is having on so many readers. But it is an exceptional book: it is dense and careful and thoughtful, clear and artful, it is raw and painful and so exceptionally beautiful.
“When you are ebbing, and try to inhale but can’t, she lets go, and you can feel the lingering tingle of unlanguage.”
From the construct (vignettes and a folk lore frame) to the writing (incomparable), In the Dream House is a perfect book, and I really believe that. I think everyone should read it: I hope not to find themselves, but also it is a relief to know you’re not alone. I think everyone should read it to know, and feel, and understand, because Machado is exceptionally good at knowing, at feeling, at making you understand.
It feels impossible to write a meaningful review of this book, even a small one. It is too close, and all I want to do is point you to all the chapters that I’ve flagged in my copy. Instead, I will leave you with two of Machado’s more direct and essential lessons: “A reminder, perhaps, that abusers do not need to be, and rarely are, cackling maniacs. They just need to want something, and not care how they get it.” And: "Our culture does not have an investment in helping queer folks understand what their experiences mean.“ Please read this book.
